Is it possible that some people’s upbringings instil a belief that they must end their own relationships?
If someone were to reflect on their previous relationship, they might discover that they lost themselves from the moment they first met the other person to the point where they were almost completely alone once they were together. There is a possibility that this has occurred more than once.
If that’s the case, one can see that this has occurred in multiple relationships. They will then be all too familiar with this scenario.
What Happens If they are in a relationship like this right now, they might notice that they are playing a role, regardless of whether or not they have ever been in one of these situations before. As a result, their behavior will not be influenced by their own desires, needs, feelings, or preferences.
No, it will be determined by what the other person thinks and wants them to be. As a result, their physical self will be visible, but their emotional and possibly mental selves will not.
It’s hidden, but that doesn’t mean the other person will be aware of it. Even though who they are will rarely, if ever, be exposed to their partner, It might not even stand out because of how well they can perform this role.
On the other hand, if it doesn’t stand out, it might just demonstrate that the other person isn’t very observant. They might expect another person to act like an extension of themselves because of their own wounds.
A Build-Up However, even though they won’t reveal who they are, the indications that they are unhappy with the situation will still be present. They may not be able to express how they feel about the situation, but if they could, they may experience frustration, resentment, and anger.
What is really happening for them will, somehow, impact their way of behaving. This could imply that they will wind up pulling endlessly, not noting calls or messages and not being extremely present in their accomplices organization.
They could end the relationship by either disappearing or breaking up with them, as they saw no other option. On the other hand, they could have an affair, which would be a more subtle method of ending their relationship.
By doing this, their partner can find out what’s going on and put an end to it, removing the need for them to be assertive. They’ll probably feel relieved that they won’t have to hide anymore, no matter what happens.
Looking More Intensely If this is what they go through when they are in a close relationship, it should not come as a surprise that being in a relationship does not provide a lot of fulfillment. They will lose something very priceless as a result of being in a relationship: themselves.
In this way, regardless of the amount they will acquire by being seeing someone, won’t compensate for what it is that they will lose. But what if there is another choice that doesn’t require them to lose themselves?
A Third Choice This would imply that neither being in a relationship and losing oneself nor being alone and maintaining their identity are viable choices; They can also be in a relationship and remain true to themselves. At the moment, this might not be thought to be even remotely possible.
They would be in a relationship with two other people and a third person they would call the relationship if this happened. Each of them would be able to maintain their identity and share it with the other as a result of this.
Going Deeper If they don’t think this is a possibility, they’ll have to think about why this is the case. When they do this, they may discover that when they are close to someone, they feel the need to hide themselves because they are uncomfortable expressing who they are.
There may be a fear that they will be abandoned and that their life will end. Saying that this is irrational and that they just need to get over their fear is one way to look at it.
Back in Time Another way to look at this is to say that it may be a sign that they were unable to act like a person when they were younger. They might have been made to feel like an extension of their caregivers at this point, and they might have been expected to do whatever they wanted.
They probably would have been rejected and abandoned if they had expressed their needs or feelings. They would have been conditioned to believe that the only way they would survive and not become isolated was to lose themselves and become someone else’s idealized version of themselves as a result of this.
The past is now. Although this phase of their life is over, a significant portion of their being will continue to function from this point forward. The emotional wounds they carry will go hand in hand with the belief that they must conceal who they are in order to survive and remain connected to others.
Their true selves were rejected and they were abandoned, but this will be seen as something that will happen rather than something that has already happened until they work through their emotional wounds. In the end, they did not receive the love and support they required to properly grow and develop.
Awareness If someone can relate to this and is ready to make a change in their life, they might need to ask for help from outside sources. With the assistance of a therapist or healer, this is something that can be provided.
Oliver JR Cooper is an English author, transformational writer, teacher, and consultant. All aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, the inner child, and inner awareness, are covered in his insightful commentary and analysis. Oliver not only offers sound advice but also hope with more than 2,000 in-depth articles on human psychology and behavior.
